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An Exercise in Will Power: Day 2

April 1, 2010

Yesterday I talked about the Plan and the fact that I had successfully managed to get up at 7 am and be productive, but I was tired because I hadn’t been able to get much sleep the night before.

Today, I also managed to get up at 7 am and am gearing up to be productive. One small failing: I didn’t go to sleep as early as I should have last night. Oh sure, I went to bed at 10:30. I was exhausted at 10:30, having been up for 15.5 hours on 5 hours sleep and working 9.5 hours straight. But once I was in bed, I picked up my book. Big mistake.

I’m re-reading Ender’s Game, which is one of my favorite novels of all-time. Ben got it for me as part of my anniversary present. I think I’ve had five copies in my life before this one, but I lend them to people and they never seem to make their way back. Which is fine, because other people should read it, so I’m glad I gave them the opportunity to do so, but that doesn’t help me read it when I want to.

In any case, the problem with reading Ender’s Game before I go to bed is that it’s a gripping story, full of adventure and exceitment… and I didn’t fall asleep until almost 1 am. Which is half an hour after I stopped reading, but I couldn’t get my mind to shut down.

So, tonight’s exercise in will power is going to be not picking up the book when I lay down to go to sleep. We’ll see how well that goes.

In other news, as I was meditating (imagining I was a great redwood in the Pacific Northwest, stretching my branches to the sky, and my roots into the ground, and rejoicing in the rain), trying to get to sleep, I reached a very peaceful place with where I am currently. I’ve been very frustrated the last few days about the fact that, while I am doing great work with Megan M and my mom, I want to be doing great work for me, as well, but I don’t know what my work will be yet. It’s really been bothering me.

Megan M, in all her wisdom, suggested that I would not be able to move forward until I came to terms with where I am now and stopped stressing out about it. So I’ve been meditating, also Megan’s suggestion, and I think it’s really been helping. Hopefully I won’t have to do it again so late at night while trying to get to sleep, but in any case it’s starting to work.

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